Possessor of a noted beard. Madly in love with @thisiswhatyoulivefor. Huge nerd. Pisces. Warning, shit-posts ahead...
I’m not sure how my department manager, department head AND our HR manager all interpreted,
“Therefore,
I would appreciate the opportunity to meet and to discuss increasing my salary
so that it is commensurate with my current performance. I request a pay raise
of thirty percent, which I believe reflects my current competency,”
to mean “How about you figure out how to sell more ads to people?”
This place is a fucking cesspit and I can’t wait to get out
That is a Suebian knot which was the most popular hairstyle for centuries for pastoral (not hunter gatherer) Germanic warriors fighting the Roman Empire.
If you ever think a video game you’re playing is facetious, instead consider EarthBound:
About three quarters through the game, the player finds a weapon called the Casey Bat. It is the strongest weapon in the game by a large margin, so naturally the player will equip it to Ness instantly. What isn’t indicated, though, is that it has a 75% miss rate. Players are often bewildered by the fact that at a certain point in the game, Ness suddenly becomes incapable of hitting anything.
The player is at one point given the option to buy an egg. The egg does nothing. But it will randomly hatch into a chick without notifying the player. While a chick is in the player’s inventory, a beeping sound will play constantly. There is no indication of why this is happening.
A boss called the Clumsy Robot has a move where it eats a bolonge sandwich. The text prompt will say that it recovers an enormous, demoralising amount of HP from doing this. It actually does nothing. The text prompt is lying.
At one point the player is given the option to buy a machine from an inventor. They are told they need the machine to progress in the game. It is incredibly expensive. The machine isn’t needed for anything at all, and it breaks when you use it.
To get into one of the villains’ lair, you have to know the secret password. The secret password is five minutes of silence. You have to stand in front of the door into the lair for five minutes without doing anything, then you will be allowed in.
This is my grandfather’s rock. It is Probably a Garnet, which he mined out himself when he was in college studying to be a geologist.
Though you may assume this is a Small Rock, it is in fact a very Large Rock, and also a very Heavy Rock, but most especially a very Square Rock, which is what makes it particularly cool.
Here we have a rock which used to be a tree. This rock is petrified wood! It was one of my very first Cool Rocks!
Speaking of rocks that used to be things that were not rocks, this rock is Petoskey stone! This rock used to be a coral. Let’s get a good look at those patterns.
Now that’s a Cool Rock!
Amethyst? It’s an Okay Rock. If you are looking for an inexpensive rock to start your collection, amethyst is the way to go. It’s a quartz with a deep purple color. A very nice, if average, rock.
Now citrine… Citrine is a Cool Rock! It’s a smoky quartz with a lovely honey color. The druzy on my chunk of citrine has a wonderful sparkle.
This is my Amazonite! It grew that hexagon shape all by itself!! This specimen is from Colorado.
Look at this shiny little slice of rock! This rock is Tiger Iron, and those bands of red and orange glow beautifully with some light behind them. These different colored bands are made from Hematite (the dark silver), Jasper (the red-orange), and Tiger-Eye quartz (the yellow-orange).
Here’s a rock you’ve probably seen before! This Cool Rock is Malachite. The patterns and rings are from the stalagmites this little egg was carved from.
Whoa, look at this giant slab of Extremely Cool Rock!!! These crystals formed in the cracks of fossilized mud, to make the awesome patterns in this geode of Septarian! This is my second best rock.
This is my Best and most Favorite Cool Rock. In this dark room it’s a dull little grey rock, but if I move it closer to the light…
Those glints of gold! Those veins of blue! This rock is most certainly Labradorite, which changes color spectacularly when the light hits it just right. Let’s put it in direct sunlight.
Yes!! YES!! There it is!! The Best and Coolest Rock!!!!!
